So let’s start at the beginning. March 20, 2016 started like
any other Sunday morning, I was tired but knew I need to keep moving to go to
church then work later. I got up, got dressed, and headed out to the first
church of the day. Normally I only go to one service per Sunday but on this
particular Sunday, two people asked me to come support them as they gave the
Word. Since I had time for both I went to both. Afterwards I went to work for
my usual Sunday night shift. But my Sunday night ended anything but usual.
I work as a waitress on the weekends and as I was making
drinks for my customers, my head suddenly started hurting. It was a sharp yet
throbbing diagonal pain that gave me the same sensation like when your ears are
ringing for a long time and it seems like everything around you has stopped. As
the pain eased up I realized people were calling my name because I was
blocking the drink station. However when I tried to move out the way my legs
gave out. I didn’t pass out and I wasn’t woozy. I felt like my brain sent
signals to a wall. Thankfully my coworkers caught me before I hit the floor.
I sat in a chair for who knows how long trying to get my bearings.
Everything I did was a struggle and I could only do one thing at a time. It was
talking or drinking water. When I tried to do both I almost dropped the cup. Even
then, it took all my strength and concentration to drink some water. Eventually
a friend brought me my cellphone and I called my aunt to pick me up. When she
arrived a guy from the kitchen helped me walk to her car because I couldn’t
stand on my own. I choose to go home
with her because my parents were out of town celebrating their 42nd
wedding anniversary and I didn’t want to be by myself. We sat, talked, watched
tv, and I actually started feeling better.
It didn’t last long though. After my parents picked me up
and I started moving around again, the head pain came back and the little
mobility I gained while resting left me again. So we grabbed what we needed and
headed to the emergency room. It was a long night with a whole lot of tests.
The upside was that the overnight staff was really nice, professional, and pleasant.
At the end of it all the hospital ruled out stroke, heart issues, and anything
else that might have killed me within the next few hours. They still didn’t
know exactly what was wrong but gave me a pair of crutches to help get around
and some pain medication. Truth be told after I found out to wasn’t a stoke I
calmed down about it. I knew that God would take care of me because He always
has.
Of course I still followed up with my doctor (WHO I LOVE)
shortly after. She suspected it was due to migraines because of my history with
them. However she wanted to play it safe and get a real conformation. She sent
me to a neurologist. After a bit of waiting and a mix up or two, I finally got
to see the doctor she recommended.
The verdict of my condition shocked me but not really. He
said I had a stress reaction. A STRESS REACTION! He then said I had to stop
everything for now. His exact words were, “No school, no work, whatever it is
you're doing, stop.” I was elated that I wasn’t having brain tremors again or
something like it but the main thing I felt when I found out was anger. I was
so anger at myself. I couldn’t understand how I could let this happen.
After some crying and repentance for a lot of things, I
realized that this wasn’t a bad thing. This whole thing made me see that I
don’t know how to rest, let alone rest in God. Before, rest was something I did
to get better so I could go back to what I was doing or do more stuff. Not to
get actual rest. I decided to heed the wakeup call and be grateful that God
chose such a gentle way to get my attention. So there I was having severe
migraines, couldn’t walk on my own, and had about 25% mobility for my arms
grinning like a fool because my God loved me enough to grab my attention.
Because no matter how serious this was, it could have been worse. It could have
been a stroke, an aneurysm, or something way way worse. Besides having your health doesn’t mean a
thing if you’re relying on yourself more than God and you’ve let your let
relationship with Him fall on the backburner. At least it didn’t mean anything
to me.
So this was the turning point. This was that moment I
realized somewhere along the way I had forgotten that I didn’t just need God but
I needed to be in right relationship with Him. So I stopped school, stopped
work, resigned from all my positions in school organizations, started studying
rest, replacing bad habits with good ones, and being more watchful of my
thinking. Yeah….. I was reminded that I’m pretty messed up and it’s almost
comical that I became so “busy” that I forgot that. Almost.
Ironically out of all
the things I’ve learned during this timeframe the ones that stand out are:
doing because you love God (not because you don’t want to disappoint Him, some
other thing you’ve made up in your mind, or for other people) and making sure
you always keep focus on your relationship with God (be dependent on Him). I
say ironic because two of my favorite scriptures are:
- Colossians 3:23 “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men”
- John 15: 1-5 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
Told you.
Anyway about this Day 1. Day 1 was the first
day after the neurologist and physical therapist (I had to go to help me walk again
without assistance) gave me the clear to live life again like before. Well not exactly
like before because that took me in a bad place. Rather to resume a routine of normalcy.
At the start of Day 1 woke up from a weird dream about Dragon Ball Z. But after
that Day One by Matthew West started playing in my head. (I seriously hope you
clicked the song link or plan on clicking it later.) Then I went from there.
Day 1 consisted of
- Walking around a track (Yay exercise!)
- Listening and singing to praise music (Yeah I had stopped doing that just to be doing it.)
- Transformed two pairs of pants. One into skinny jeans and another into Bermuda shorts. (I haven’t sewn in years)
- Read about Jacob and Laban in my Chronological NLT Bible (it’s something I’ve been reading since the hospital along with a few other books)
- Went through some more clothes (I’m revamping my wardrobe)
- Figured out how to use Tumblr and decided I’ll probably keep mine active
- Other random and/or life things
So from now on yall will occasionally see posts that say Day
insert number that will be I guess something akin to diary entries. In
fact there is a good chance that the direction of this blog will change anyway.
I’m in an odd but good place in my life. So some things need to be done
differently.
Anyway that’s it for now,
Be Joyous and thrive
